Long-distance relationships aren't impossible, but they're defintiely problematic.
She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to…Ask Erin is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions about anything at all.
Q.
Erin,
I want to know if I should I keep fighting for him, him being my boyfriend.
I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. He has a new baby. And recently, his baby mama has been visiting him and wants him back.
I can tell he is considering it. We are in a long distance relationship, too. When we are together, he says he wants to be with me and build a life with me. But as soon as he gets back home, he is rather distracted and a bit cold. Oh, and the baby mama lives in the same town as him.
What should I do?
A.
I see a few red flags here.
You are in a long-distance relationship. I say this a red flag from experience. Long-distance relationships aren't impossible, but they're definitely problematic. I think I gravitated towards long-distance because it kept me at a distance, both emotionally and literally. That could be the case for either of you.
He has a new baby.
Babies change everything.
Or they should. His number one priority is not going to be you, or even his baby's mama. Hopefully, his number one priority is that baby. This is something you need to be cool with, or it's never going to work. Be honest with yourself about what you need and want from him, and whether or not he is capable of meeting those wants and needs.
I don't know if he's considering being with his baby's mama. But, you should know that part of making that baby priority number one IS also helping out/being there for the mama. Especially now, when that baby is oh-so-young.
You're only ten months in. I'm guessing you're in your 20s. Regardless, this may not be the ideal relationship situation for you.
My advice: find someone who lives in the same town, or thereabouts, and has the time and focus to be in a committed relationship with you.
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